Fountains of Life

Hidden Expectations

by

By Cyndi

I came out of the water from surfing the other day frustrated. I’m still having trouble popping up on the board to my feet quick enough so I wipeout a lot. Wipeouts are not as fun as catching and riding waves. Disappointment settled in on me because I wasn’t performing like I wanted to that day.

Then words from a surfer friend of mine I’ve known for years came into my head: “But did you have fun?” Well…. No, I didn’t! I was so irritated and bummed with myself I’d left no room for fun and enjoyment. (Kinda the purpose of surfing.) Instead I had put all these demands on myself to perform, to get things right, to excel and achieve! I had forgotten all about the “having fun” part.

Later on Father God got ahold of me in my quiet time. The first thing He mentioned to me was to be careful of my expectations. These negative little nit-picky buggers hide! We don’t realize how we subconsciously have hidden expectations on our spouses, our friends, our pastor and church, and, most definitely, on ourselves. These types of expectations are usually the “demanding” ones — the “shoulds” and “ought to’s.” We hear phrases in our mind that say: “That salesperson should have been nicer.” Or, “My husband ought to have realized how stressful my day has been.”

I find myself demanding a lot from me quite often without recognizing it: “I should have taken the other way home.” “I should have given myself more time.” “I ought to have worked on this harder.” That day surfing I thought I should have popped up better, I’d been practicing. I should have caught the waves at the right time better. I should have done everything a lot better than I did, but I didn’t.

So as I began seeing these hidden expectations I put on myself, He told me to let go of them. Just drop them. He loves me no matter what. Subconsciously I’m trying to be good enough to deserve to be loved. Even for myself to love me. But I don’t have to be perfect — I’m loved anyway.  

Father God encouraged me to stop putting expectations on myself. Stop putting all this pressure on myself to do everything right the first time. Allow myself a growing/falling/growing curve. Cut myself a break, alright?! Oh, and He reminded me that this goes for others too. Yep. Spouse, family, friends, pastor/church, strangers, slow drivers — cut them some slack too. No one’s got it all together, but everyone needs to be loved.

Hebrews 12:14 exhorts us to do all we can to live in peace with everyone as much as we can. This includes ourselves. We don’t need the high blood pressure and anxiety that comes with expecting from ourselves some higher-than-average performance. Yes, we are to work hard and do our best at things, however, there’s also a time to relax and have some fun — without judgment!

So the next time I loaded up my surfboard and headed for the beach, I took a deep breath and sighed. Then I told myself to just have fun. It’s even okay if I wipeout every single time. No demands, no performance ratings. Enjoy the time in His love.

It was the best day of surfing I have ever had.

___________________________

(Thank you, Dave S. for those life changing words.)

One Step At A Time

by

Rope bridge at Epworth by the Sea, St. Simon’s Island, GA

Yesterday I was reflecting back on a ladies retreat I went to last year where a few of us ventured to take on one of those high ropes obstacle courses as a team building exercise. And, yes, it was high — maybe 40 feet in the air — and yes, there were lots of ropes. But the feeling that kept coming back to me was the specific experience I had on the rope bridge obstacle.

This obstacle was a bridge of planks connected by ropes. And these wooden planks were quite distantly separated, I might add. So you had to move as a team, stepping off a platform, crossing with large strides plank to plank, and onto the other platform. 

This rope bridge reminds me of my life. There are those “launching out” seasons when I have to leave the comfort of my stable and secure platform. Looking down at that first step is scary. It’s a big one. It’s shaky and unknown. I might fall.

The ladies and I came to this launch point of crossing the rope bridge. We held hands, counted to 3, then stepped off the platform down onto that first wooden plank. It was scary. It was big. It was shaky. But nobody fell. 

You see, we held hands, which gave us stability. We also used safety ropes attached to us in case anyone did fall. Step by wobbly step we nervously crossed that bridge together. After several giant steps and lots of anxious laughter, we all made it to that final platform.

So what was the feeling I had yesterday that brought back this memory?

That feeling of launching out onto something unknown. Taking steps that seem really shaky and scary. Thoughts of falling, failing. Life can be very unsure and unknown sometimes.

Then Father God reminded me I have His hand to hold. And I have a safety rope attached to Him. I may wobble and be afraid of heights, but He’s got me. Even by chance if I were to fall, He’ll get me back up. (Ps. 37:24) I just have to take one step at a time.

Fighting Battles

by

By Cyndi

Once again I looked at the weather forecast for the next few days and I dreaded the weekend—rain was coming. Again. So once again I’m thinking I’m going to have to move our bed and place a trash can to catch the water that’s dripping from the ceiling in our bedroom. Our roof is leaking. 

Having gotten estimates from roofing companies we are now waiting for news about insurance coverage before the work begins. Meanwhile, “the mold guy” came to inspect the water damage on the ceilings (yes, plural). Looks like there is water damage for sure, even down a wall. There will be work to be done.

Naturally my good Christian full-of-faith response to all of this is, “Praise God, He’s working all things for good!” However, honestly I must say this was not my first reaction. In fact, I felt quite overwhelmed. 

So for a moment let’s try to not pretend and put on our Sunday morning church faces and just be real here. There are actual battles we are all fighting—some emotional, some financial, some physical, some a combination. And they can be scary. Cancer is scary. Additions are scary. Broken families and wayward children are scary. These are undeniably intimidating battles.

This Is How I Fight My Battles

One of the newer songs out now is Surrounded. It’s quite repetitive, doesn’t do much musically; it simply sings this phrase over and over again. Why? Well, let’s think about fighting for a minute, shall we?

Ever watch boxing? Is it just a few punches and the fight’s all over? Not usually. What about wrestling? Is it just one quick takedown? Hardly ever. Think about the different wars we’ve been in—how many battlefields were fought upon? And how long did those battles last? Many took years.

Self-defense teaches you that when you’re attacked, you hit, you kick, you scream, you poke, you jab, you stomp, etc.

Where am I going with this? 

“This is how I fight my battles…this is how I fight my battles…this is how I fight my battles…this is how I fight my battles.” 

“It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by You… It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by You.”

Psalm 125:2 says—As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore. Like a mother hen covers her chicks to protect them, the Lord does the same with us. (Luke 13:34)

We are all fighting something and these are fighting words. Repeat them over and over again. Like a battering ram, bang “the door” down with your praise and thanksgiving. Strike your opponent repeatedly. Depression, grief, hardships, loneliness, financial ruin…sing over them, pray over them, quote the Word over them. 

This is what I’m doing.

When I look at the water spots on my ceilings, I fight. As I’m patiently waiting for the roof work to begin, I fight. 

Do I still get overwhelmed? At times. That’s when I take a breather, gather myself and my weapons (praise music, scriptures, prayer, phone a friend) and get back into the battle. 

Father God is surrounding me. He will never not leave me. (Double negative for effect!) And He’s doing the same for you.

Muscles and Strings

by

By Cyndi

Between the grunts and groans while stretching during an exercise class, a friend and I began noticing the similarities between guitar strings and muscles. And of course, with me, God has a way of taking daily activities — like exercising — and teaching me a lesson through them.

Do you realize that muscles and strings have something in common? Their level of performance depends on how tight or loose they are. There’s a balance for being toned or tuned, respectively.

Each string on a guitar is to be a specific note. When a string is too tight, it’s not in tune. The pitch sounds too high so we say it is “sharp.” When the string is too loose, it’s not in tune either. The pitch is too low so it is called “flat.” 

The term “sharp” sometimes is used to describe things as being harsh, cutting, abrupt, or brash. Many of us tend to get sharp when we’re stressed or upset; we tighten up or say sarcastic words. That’s why we use expressions like “uptight” or “edgy/on the edge.” 

The word “flat” may be used to describe dull, lifeless, plain, or ‘off key’ things. For example, we tend to get flat when we’re uninterested or unconcerned about something; or how carbonated drinks loose their fizz if left out too long. In the case of a guitar string, if the instrument is not played often enough the strings go flat from disuse. Similarly, our muscles go flat if we don’t exercise them.

So what do we do when our muscles tighten up and we feel stiff? We stretch! This helps loosen them up. And when our muscles are flabby (another way to say flat!) what do we do? We exercise to tone them up!

And the God lesson in of all of this?

God wants us to be in tune — in perfect pitch and in harmony with Him— and in shape, toned up, ready for whatever He asks us to do. Not too tight, not too loose.

I picture myself as that string with His fingers on the guitar’s tuning pegs turning one way then the other little by little listening to the pitch, changing it ever so slightly until it’s perfect. Or lying prone on a floor mat in a gym, God in His trainer polo shirt stretching my legs a little, loosening me up. His workout routines can be a bit strenuous at times, making me exercise my faith like dumbbells when I’ve been a bit complacent or apathetic. 

And so whether it’s tightening or loosening — stretching our faith or resting in His love — this process brings us closer to Him. I believe Father God wants to have a healthy and harmonious relationship with us — flowing in His love wherever we are.

Growing Older But Not Up

by

By Cyndi

Jimmy Buffett has a song called “Growing Older But Not Up.” Not that I accede to all the lyrics of this song, I do like the title. Especially when it comes to the Kingdom of God.

Jesus tells us we are to become like little children if we wish to belong to the Kingdom. (Mark 10:14)  He also says that praise is perfected in children. (Matt. 21:16) And of course, the biggest child reference in the Word is that we are all called His sons and daughters — His kids.

I just recently had a birthday and my body and mind are definitely aging. Be that as it may, spiritually I’m getting younger, more child-like. Keeping things simple.

I don’t believe the Kingdom of God is complicated. He created us to be His sons and daughters, we receive that position by faith and – boom – Abba Father is that close.

Children aren’t born with prejudices, shame, or even fear, I think. We learn these things. Look at our forefathers, Adam and Eve. They walked in the garden, naked and unafraid (sorry, couldn’t resist). Eden had nothing dangerous in it they were worried about. There was no embarrassment or fault-finding in their bodies. Do you think Eve ever asked Adam, “Does this make me look fat?”

They were supposed to live forever. Forever as a son and daughter, partaking in the glorious presence of their Father. Playing, laughing, and resting in perfect love. Like a child. No worries, no fears. Dad will take care of everything.

Being involved with Shiloh Place for many years, I remember Jack Frost used to say, “I just want to be a little boy with a big Daddy.” And to this day, his wife, Trisha Frost, still claims she’s Papa God’s favorite. (Me too!) Luckily, we are all favored. We are all His children in whom He is well pleased. (Luke 3:22). 

So I have another year on this earth under my belt and my numbers are getting bigger, but I’m gonna refuse to grow up. I want to live continuously in child-like wonder of the majesty of His creation. I want to strive to see people through the simplicity of mercy and grace as a sibling. I want to relate to my Almighty Father in heaven as a gentle Daddy that allows me to climb up in His lap and play ostrich (peek-a-boo).

Yeah, I may be growing older, but I’m becoming more and more like a kid in the Kingdom. Thank you, Mr. Buffett, for reminding me of my true position in Christ.