Fountains of Life

Hidden Expectations

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By Cyndi

I came out of the water from surfing the other day frustrated. I’m still having trouble popping up on the board to my feet quick enough so I wipeout a lot. Wipeouts are not as fun as catching and riding waves. Disappointment settled in on me because I wasn’t performing like I wanted to that day.

Then words from a surfer friend of mine I’ve known for years came into my head: “But did you have fun?” Well…. No, I didn’t! I was so irritated and bummed with myself I’d left no room for fun and enjoyment. (Kinda the purpose of surfing.) Instead I had put all these demands on myself to perform, to get things right, to excel and achieve! I had forgotten all about the “having fun” part.

Later on Father God got ahold of me in my quiet time. The first thing He mentioned to me was to be careful of my expectations. These negative little nit-picky buggers hide! We don’t realize how we subconsciously have hidden expectations on our spouses, our friends, our pastor and church, and, most definitely, on ourselves. These types of expectations are usually the “demanding” ones — the “shoulds” and “ought to’s.” We hear phrases in our mind that say: “That salesperson should have been nicer.” Or, “My husband ought to have realized how stressful my day has been.”

I find myself demanding a lot from me quite often without recognizing it: “I should have taken the other way home.” “I should have given myself more time.” “I ought to have worked on this harder.” That day surfing I thought I should have popped up better, I’d been practicing. I should have caught the waves at the right time better. I should have done everything a lot better than I did, but I didn’t.

So as I began seeing these hidden expectations I put on myself, He told me to let go of them. Just drop them. He loves me no matter what. Subconsciously I’m trying to be good enough to deserve to be loved. Even for myself to love me. But I don’t have to be perfect — I’m loved anyway.  

Father God encouraged me to stop putting expectations on myself. Stop putting all this pressure on myself to do everything right the first time. Allow myself a growing/falling/growing curve. Cut myself a break, alright?! Oh, and He reminded me that this goes for others too. Yep. Spouse, family, friends, pastor/church, strangers, slow drivers — cut them some slack too. No one’s got it all together, but everyone needs to be loved.

Hebrews 12:14 exhorts us to do all we can to live in peace with everyone as much as we can. This includes ourselves. We don’t need the high blood pressure and anxiety that comes with expecting from ourselves some higher-than-average performance. Yes, we are to work hard and do our best at things, however, there’s also a time to relax and have some fun — without judgment!

So the next time I loaded up my surfboard and headed for the beach, I took a deep breath and sighed. Then I told myself to just have fun. It’s even okay if I wipeout every single time. No demands, no performance ratings. Enjoy the time in His love.

It was the best day of surfing I have ever had.

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(Thank you, Dave S. for those life changing words.)

Do We Need to Have a Ministry?

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By Cyndi

Jesus had a ministry because He didn’t need a ministry. If we need to have a ministry (or a position), there’s a problem — we’re getting our identity from it, rather than Him. So how do we know if we’re getting our identity from it?

For those of you in ministry or who minister even as a lay person, think about this: what would happen if you were asked to step down or go on sabbatical for a season? What if it were permanent? How would you feel? Would you be hurt? Do you feel that people would be missing something if you couldn’t do what you do?

I know this can be a real challenge on worship teams. We musicians sometimes have egos. “Don’t they want to hear my anointed playing (or singing)?” we unconsciously think. Our talent becomes our identity — who we are. But what if we’re not needed anymore? Or that talent gets taken away? Or we’re replaced by someone else?

When I broke my wrist several years back I had to deal with this. I didn’t think I had any identity in my talent as a keyboardist until I lost it. I couldn’t play for months! Let me tell you, when your “baby,” or gifting, gets taken away from you, you’ll find out where your identity stands! I had to repent, ask His forgiveness, then seek and learn to receive my identity as simply being a child of God. Nothing else. Period.

All of us have some sort of “baby” that’s ours—our talent, our job, our passion, maybe a person or persons. And if we were to loose it, or it got taken away, who are we then? If we identify with being “so-and-so’s mom,” or “the evangelist,” or “the computer wiz,” or “the one who always has answers,”can we still continue to love and serve God without those things? Are we leaning more on those connections and giftings than on the Creator of those things themselves?

Jesus’ identity was in His Father:

John 14:20—On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

John 1:18—No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him.

John 1:1—In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Jesus had a ministry because He didn’t need one. Jesus had a following because He didn’t have a need for people to follow Him. His whole identity was in His Father. The same is our goal.

We are loved no matter if we do/say/are anything or not, in the eyes of the world. We are totally loved for who we are — His kids. If we need nothing from nobody (poor grammar for a point), we’ll never get disappointed or hurt. All our needs are met in Father God, Himself. He fulfills us. And He never disappoints.

Does Knowing the Father’s Love Really Change Anything?

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By Cyndi

A Great MessageFather's love

Many people think of the Father’s Love message as a great message. Just a great message. It’s just another “book” to put on your Christian bookshelf along with messages on evangelism, prayer, faith, and fasting. But I firmly believe what Jack and Trisha Frost have taught us for years — that the Father’s Love message is the bookshelf to which all other books are placed on. It’s the foundational basis for everything.

Love Is the Foundation

This foundation is based on what the scriptures tell us: God is Love. (1 John 4:8)  And even as the Apostle Paul shared to the church at Corinth, all things may fail, but love never will. (1 Cor. 13:8) We can do all sorts of things — good things — but without doing it out of love, it doesn’t really matter. (1 Cor. 13:1-3) So love is really important.

Does It Matter?

But does knowing the Father’s love really change anything? Does having love as the motivating factor behind everything we do make a difference? I would have to say, yes, of course! It makes a huge impact! If I grocery shop and cook meals for my family without a love motivation, it becomes a dull, lifeless routine. If I volunteer at my church without a love motivation, it becomes a performance or an obligation. Or if I have to read my Bible and have to pray an hour a day without being motivated by love, it’s dead works and I’m trying to earn God’s love. And the truth is, we already are loved.

When we know we are loved and accepted unconditionally, we are more able to love and accept others unconditionally. Freely we have received, so freely we are to give. (Matt. 10:8) In other words, when I realize that when I make a mistake I’m not judged or shamed, it’s much easier for me to not judge or shame others when they fail too. Or when someone is struggling in a certain area which may not be a challenge for me, in love, I can give understanding, prayer and support for them.

Knowing the Father’s Love Changes Everything

If I truly know the Father’s love, I see myself and others through a love filter, not a comparison one. I become more secure and trusting where accusations, judgements, and opinions no longer penetrate into my soul and derail me emotionally. I can now try things without a fear of failing. And then anything I do for my spouse, my family, or at church becomes an expression of love, not a duty or a “have-to.”

Praying, serving, giving, and even receiving can all come from a place of love. Love never fails. My strength will fail, my faith will fail, my loved ones will fail, and I will fail, but Father’s love never will. And that changes everything.

Being Open to God

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By Cyndiopen to God

Do we have God in a box? Are there certain ways we expect God to move? Do we put limits on how, what, and when God can do something?

When Jesus healed people, He sometimes touched them, spoke words to them; other times He required that they wash themselves. He used a variety of different means and methods to heal. There was never a formula.

Same thing with God in the Old Testament. There were a multitude of ways God communicated with His people and even different ways He devised plans for the Israelites to come into the Promised Land. His manner of doing things may change, however, His character never did and never will.

So whether we’re looking to God for healing or anything else, if we desire to be open to Him, we have to trust in His character — His nature — not the means by which He may make it come to pass. Personally, I think God at times intentionally does things “out of the box” with unconventional means simply to reveal our trust, or lack thereof, in Him.

God is a loving, trustworthy God — that is His character. However, because many of us have experienced untrustworthy parents and/or authorities, we tend to have trust issues with God (as well as others). This is a normal transference.

It’s hard to have open-hearted relationships when there are trust issues, and usually these need to be worked out through counseling or prayer ministry. And when there is a lack of trust, we are inclined to have trouble being out of control. Control issues are exemplified in things such as:  we always want to do the driving, we want to have events at our house not someone else’s, we want to know what’s going to happen before arriving at an event, and so on.

So a part of being open to God requires us to release control to Him. We have to let go. We have to trust. And when we do — it’s truly amazing to see what God does. Many times it will be out of the box and totally unexpected, but knowing the character of God, we know it will always be good.

 

Navigating Through the Fog

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By Cyndiship in fog

As I sit here reading the Word this morning I can hear the fog horns of the ships traveling up and down the St. Johns River not far from where we live. It’s quite foggy outside and it reminds me of a time when my family and I were coming home from a trip in our sailboat through a section of the river where many of these large ships pass.

It, too, was a foggy morning – so dense where you could barely see 50 feet in front of you. This part of the river is very dangerous because we, being a small 30-foot sailboat, are like miniscule rodents compared to those large ocean-going ships. Having passed some of these ships before in clear daylight, it’s quite intimidating how their luminous steel hulls tower next to you. So in a thick fog, we couldn’t just dart out into the river groping around hoping to find our way home. We could have easily run aground, hit a dock, or worse – one of these ships!

channel markersAll rivers have navigational maps that show where the channel is, that’s the deepest part of the river. This is the place where you’re supposed to be. There are red and green markers that define this channel, which also have red or green lights that blink when it’s dark or foggy. So in order to safely traverse the river in the fog, you plot a course from marker to marker using your map, and compute the exact compass heading to follow. I remember this being quite adventurous as my family and I did this. We’d get to one marker then turn the boat towards the next compass setting after someone yelled “mark,” and anxiously awaited the next blinking light to emerge from the tangible haze. We didn’t necessarily see where we were going, but we knew we were on track.

I see the Word of God as our navigational map for life. It shows us the channel and the markers that define it. It doesn’t necessarily show us every single detail of life’s “river,” but it reveals the important things to keep us on track and heading home to safety. And sometimes our lives, too, can get foggy and confusing where we can’t always see with clarity. This is when we need our map even more. We need those “markers” to direct us and the true Light to guide our way.

Any seaman or fisherman on the St. Johns River has maps on-board his craft and knows how to navigate from them. Shouldn’t we as Christians have the Word in us and know how to navigate with it? Reading our Bible clarifies our channel and puts markers in our lives so that even when the fog horns are blasting, we can run the compass headings Jesus gives us and stay at peace.